"What Not To Name Your Dog"
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Roger" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". He's a great pal, but he caused me a great deal of embarrassment when I went to City Hall to renew his dog license. I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one too!". Then I said, "But this is a dog". He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old". He winked and said "You must have been quite a kid".
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took Sex with me. I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do". I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night". The clerk said, "Funny, I have the same problem".
One day I entered in Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand", I replied, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV". He said " Now since that cable is all over the place, it is no big deal anymore".
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married". The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case please". Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too".
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over and asked "What are you doing in this alley at three o'clock in the morning?" I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.
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